Hey sis, I know how hard it is. You put yourself out there, gave a piece of your heart to a stranger that became a lover, fantasized about happily ever after, and then found out that he wasn’t quite what you expected.
Maybe he ghosted you when he discovered your purse full of meds, or he didn’t understand why you are fatigued three days in a row, or my personal favorite excuse, wants you to find the person you’re meant to be with because he just isn’t strong enough for you. To which I say, tomato/to-mah-to, potato/vodka.
So here’s what you do next…
1. Begin with Forgiveness
In times of crisis, our baggage gets lit up. What do I mean baggage? Baggage is the parts of our past that we have not had closure on. For some of us, breakups can be a trigger of all of the parts of us that we are not content with.
Do you ever notice that when you are mad at someone, you can recall all the horrible things that were said or that person has done? That’s baggage.
If you find yourself calling your friends or writing a scathing letter to him about how he messed up and will be sorry one day, or how he’s a p.o.s. then sis, you got some work to do. Breakups happen. They are part of life. And so is forgiveness.
Take the high road. Write out the letter and express deeply all of the pain and anguish, complain about his narcissitic tendencies or how ugly the new girl is, bitch about all those things you’ve been wanting to bitch about, and let your emotions run high.
Then throw the letter away. Write a new letter about how much you forgive and how your heart is ready to heal, allowing the love that is left in the world to come into your being and relax you easily an effortlessly. Time to turn the page. Time to begin new.
2. Decide How You Want To Feel
You know that feeling of looking at your closet and deciding what to wear? You try on several different outfits, throwing the ones that don’t quite fit right on a pile while you rummage in the back for that perfect top? Our bodies are changing constantly with our medications and fortunately or unfortunately, every time we need to go out, the outfit changes.
Our minds work the same way. With practice, you can choose your thoughts the way you choose your outfits. There’s a part of our brain called the reticular activation system, which basically is a pencil shaped structure above our spinal cord. Have you ever noticed that when you buy a new car you see that new car everywhere? When you’re going through a break up whatever thoughts you tell yourself, your brain starts to believe and you look for ways to validate that thought.
If he cheated on you, you may develop the internal dialogue of you are not worthy. Then, throughout the day, you are reminded of all the ways in which you are not worthy. Maybe your blood sugars can’t stabilize and you find yourself thinking that you can’t control your diabetes. Or maybe you feel more tired than normal so you remind yourself you’re inadequate. Maybe you don’t digest food and your bloated belly triggers your brain into thinking you’re too ugly to keep dating. These are all little lies your brain tells you.
Find a way to choose a thought that serves you and play that thought on repeat like we did the Spice Girls all those years ago…
3. Sleep with his friend
Kidding. I think. It depends though, is his friend cute? Here’s the deal, what you don’t want to do is crawl back into another relationship without understanding how you’ve acted during this one. Decide the narrative you want to tell yourself. Do you feel worthy? Is your worth tied to your relationship status?
Breakups are hard, harder when you have a chronic illness or an invisible disease. Take this time to really find a reason to love yourself. Many women tend to get lost in their relationships and give up who they are to please a man. If you’re nodding, you know deep down you did this. Take the time to remember who you are and what you’re all about, without a partner.
Commit to reconnecting with friends that you may have lost touch with, enjoy the hobbies you stopped taking part in, and remember this ache will pass.
Listen, I’m not here to tell you to suck it up and it will be okay one day. Dating is tough. Trusting your heart to another person is not an easy experience. What I can tell you, is that you will find a bit of who you are in every person you date. And over time, it will all come together.
What other ways have you found to get over the heartbreak and back into your best self? Share below! And if you have a rather juicy dating story, hit up Lisa at PR@Missklyn.com to be featured anonymously 🙂