4 Steps to Improve Self Esteem

Hey sis, times are challenging and I know from experience, the more stressed I am the more I wish I knew how to improve self esteem. After studying neuroscience extensively, I found there really are four steps you can take, that when done consistently, create magnificent results in teh quality of your life.

The way you speak of yourself, the way you degrade yourself, into smallness, is abuse -Self Harm written by Rupi Kaur

The thing about change is it forces us to see ourselves in a way that may become uncomfortable.  -Klyn Elsbury from Sickly Confidential

We start to analyze what is working in our lives, what isn’t working in our lives, and how both are somehow rooted as our fault. 

A few times a month, I’m invited to speak to a company about embracing change.  And dare I say, now is a perfect time.  We all are battling some intense emotions as we navigate the new normal and shed the belief systems we’ve built on our time on this planet.  

Change is necessary and change is normal.  

As you go about your life, confronting thoughts and emotions you may never have had to confront before, I want to remind you of something. 


In a masterfully written book by Elizabeth Gilbert (the title escapes me), she talks about how we can really dislike a certain segment of the population, say Trump.  And we can feel so right in our beliefs that we can’t understand how anyone on this planet would like him. 

Until, we realize our best friend is a closet supporter.  

So then, we rationalize that we dislike Trump supporters, except for this particular one.  

And that’s how we become open minded. 

In strong moments of opposition, resistance, or intense emotions where we are tempted to think of things as black or white, remember to think of a time when we felt and acted out of love.  

There is beauty in the gray space.  The fabric of our culture is to believe in opposites.  Black or white. Good or bad. Evil or Peace. Right or wrong. Riots or Love. Yes or No.  Democrat or republican. You get my point.  When you release your stronghold on the way things “have to be”, you’ll find your unconscious begins to speak to you more.

Try this exercise today to improve your self esteem.

Step 1 to improve self esteem

Write out 1 sentence of what is causing you intense emotions.  
An example could be, “I’m feeling angry at how stuck I am” 

Step 2 to improve self esteem

Write out 2 sentences of when you weren’t stuck, remembering the time, place, people, what you saw, heard, or felt. 
Example, ” I remember when I was working on a new collaboration, ideas were rapidly flowing and conversations were abundant.  I felt optimistic and remembered all the times that change was great for me and how at peace I was with my decisions.” 

Step 3 to improve self esteem

Ask yourself now, what are all the ways I can fix my problem or alter my thinking?  
Write that down.

Step 4 to improve self esteem

Trust that voice in your head that gives you clarity. 
And now schedule time to take that action that your unconscious shared with you.

Overtime, you’ll find it easier to make decisions and trust yourself. The ability to trust yourself (trust your gut) has been shown to improve your self esteem across the globe. (Related: journal prompts to help with self discovery).

You’ve got this, Self harm comes from not believing or trusting yourself.  It is more intense when the world seems to be more intense.  Spend time reflecting on when you were doing the thing you wanted to do, in a way you wanted to do it.  And then brainstorm solutions. 



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